He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
