dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
