so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
