so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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