Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
