i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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