you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
