Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
