i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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