took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it because I queefed?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
