you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
