Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
