i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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