AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
