I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
