My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
