Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
