Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
