Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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