just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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