tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
