you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I believe in your delicious
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
