I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
