he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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