just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
