It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
