So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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