:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
