it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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