His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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