I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
