I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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