Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so let's talk penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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