I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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