also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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