a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
