Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
