two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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