ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
