I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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