I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
