i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
