john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need a beard to bite.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
