lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
