i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
