i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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