I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
