i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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