im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's always time for handjobs
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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