If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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