She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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