Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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