so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
