??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
