my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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