You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
