So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
