Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize