MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
