yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
