He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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