I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
