I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
